Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in mechanintuition's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
12:01 am	enough with the contemplation already... oooh, oooh babe time to write another weblog. In the future, all blogs will be written on large hunks of meat and thrown to the starving masses. heh. meatia. I'm done with school for this semester! which is better than nice. I need to find my voice. and not in a literary sense but a speaking to people in public sense. I went to a diner this morning and felt like i was almost whispering to the waitress, who had the face of the offspring produced by lesley dixon and my sister. it was a little bit unnerving isnt quite the right word. So anyway, been feeling sort of lonely, not doing the right things in my life. feel like im screwing up my love life, my professional life, my social life. feel like ive been talking about how im doing those things for years. I just need to learn how to live and let live or live and let go. the way i imagine the future has a lot to do with it; the future is threatening to me for some reason, like a dark cloud ahead on the highway. i also just feel disjointed, like i can't stick with anything over time. it causes the illusion that i don't have any ability to accomplish something substantial. which makes me feel like thats true, which starts a further cycling of self bashing. letting go is very hard to do, truly. i sometimes make believe that i'm letting go, but i'm never sure if it's gone or in hiding; an insidious infestation... This is my quick update. (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
3:20 am	Really now. Reluctantly fascinated by fickle filles, phallus forest invokes the ballad chorus i'm jealous again, don't wast your time friend listening to this, i'm surprised i ever caught a single interest, but the juice is running compounded, love it or hate it just look- you're surrounded on all sides, feeling every feeling but i want to deny, weave layer on layer so complex i cant unwind (Comment on this)
2:38 am	new goal with this journal thing: make it a place to write. i don't do that enough. i want to be a person who writes, that is to say, a writer. hah! "there's a reason they call it DOPamine." "differentiate between yours and someone else's dreams" I dream all the time but if you asked me what my dreams were, I wouldn't be able to list a singe one. And lists aren't hard for me. for example, list of things to do tomorrow: 1-transfer money from the bank 2-buy the rest of my books 3-go to class 4-hang out with katie (?) 5-try to remedy my improperly assigned incomplete/F ....A relative short list, but it didn't take me long at all. Was virtually effortless. It's not that i don't have i don't have ideas of my dreams. it's really a matter of differentiating between REAL dreams and POTENTIAL dreams. What's with me having all these potential dreams? when i try to put a dream into words it sounds like "invent something ridiculously useful to me and a great number of other people that we could all afford" ....the running theme is vagueness and the common paraphrase, "get lucky." Staring at the moon on fraternity row. Never seen so much bloated white dough. Glancing behind me don't trust my back to protect me. What is the word for someone who decides whether to help others based on their attractiveness? Who is the other? Why is that guy following me? I could make a list of questions, or an infinite sequence of them at least. {the set of all eric's questions} What does it mean to be unlikely? Who decides where to eat? "i'm not gonna fall in love with her..that'll show her." (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
4:23 pm	First Entry: Gloomy Sunday on a sunny thursday Ôsz van és peregnek a sárgult levelek Meghalt a földön az emberi szeretet Bánatos könnyekkel zokog az öszi szél Szívem már új tavaszt nem vár és nem remél Hiába sírok és hiába szenvedek Szívtelen rosszak és kapzsik az emberek... Meghalt a szeretet! Vége a világnak, vége a reménynek Városok pusztulnak, srapnelek zenélnek Emberek vérétôl piros a tarka rét Halottak fekszenek az úton szerteszét Még egyszer elmondom csendben az imámat: Uram, az emberek gyarlók és hibáznak... Vége a világnak! It is autumn and the leaves are falling All love has died on earth The wind is weeping with sorrowful tears My heart will never hope for a new spring again My tears and my sorrows are all in vain People are heartless, greedy and wicked... Love has died! The world has come to its end, hope has ceased to have a meaning Cities are being wiped out, shrapnel is making music Meadows are coloured red with human blood There are dead people on the streets everywhere I will say another quiet prayer: People are sinners, Lord, they make mistakes... The world has ended! (Comment on this)